I'm a 50 something year old person who has recently asked my partner to open our sexless marriage until we separate when our youngest is out of high school in 4 years. They have agreed, with the stipulations that I be discreet and mindful about their feelings, and that I confine my relationships to other polyamorous people. I am also drawn to kink and BDSM; they have no interest in this at all, and have asked for a don't ask/don't tell approach to these kinds of activities and to prioritize my physical safety. Dating mutual friends or acquaintances is off the table. I am amenable to their terms, as we've been together for almost 30 years, I do love them and they're a great parent, and I don't want to cause them any pain or embarrassment. I just can't live without sex or romantic affection anymore.

My partner is the breadwinner and I have raised our kids. I realized just today that I don't even know how to set up a separate, dedicated email because my partner has always handled everything technology related. It's embarrassing to be this old and asking how to do simple things like this but here we are.

So...how do I begin to establish myself as a separate person? Is there a discreet email service I should use? Phone provider? What reputable sites do people use to learn kink/poly etiquette and to meet other kink and/or poly folks? How do you see people if you can't bring them home? What conversations should I be having with my partner? What conversations should I have with new friends/lovers? What should I tell/not tell my partner? My partner is a very quiet sort of analytical person and they don't really want to talk at length about feelings, but I want to be prepared if - and surely when - delicate feelings emerge. Thank you.