DEAR ABBY: I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We broke up for a while, but got back together and have been doing great, and we got engaged six months ago. Last week, we had a huge fight, where all my bottled-up resentment came out. I have tried to communicate my needs, but while he changes briefly, things always revert back to the same.

We're supposed to get married in nine months at his parents' place, but after the fight, thinking we were done, he told them all our issues. Now they want us to postpone the wedding, saying we're unstable. I had no issues with his parents before this. They loved me. I'm furious that he ran to them instead of working things out with me. I feel like he did us a massive disservice by blabbing to his parents.

I have been asking for couples counseling for months, and he always refused -- until now. I'm no longer sure I want to marry him. I feel like his parents have crossed a boundary, and so has he. What should I do? -- HOLDING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HOLDING: Be glad this has happened. Your relationship with your fiance IS "unstable." You now know that when things become difficult, he will run to his parents rather than try to work it out with you.

If this is a deal-breaker and you no longer wish to marry him, tell him it's over. HOWEVER, if you think counseling could help the two of you communicate better, take him up on "his suggestion" and get a referral to a licensed professional who can give you premarital counseling. It's an investment that could pay off in many ways.

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