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Why demands to "be yourself" are hypocritical at best and counterproductive at worst
It is hard to escape the authenticity cult. Corporate slogans urge us to "bring our whole selves to work." Self-help books and LinkedIn influencers promise success through "radical honesty" or "living your values." Companies across industries market themselves as places where individuality is celebrated, and employees can find their "true calling" or "higher sense of purpose" just by being themselves - yes, just like that.
And yet, when people follow this advice, for instance, by oversharing, acting spontaneously, without much consideration for what others think, and refusing to adapt or adjust their behavior to meet others' needs, the result tends to be avoidable conflict, career derailment, or worse.
If we are truly serious about authenticity, let's begin by acknowledging that the term is hard to define, and even harder to measure. Indeed, authenticity is a nebulous, shape-shifting concept. Ask ten people what it means, and you will get ten different answers. Is it transparency? Consistency? Autonomy? Congruence with your values? All of the above, sometimes. As I note in Don't Be Yourself, authenticity is best understood as a collection of "factoids" that sound virtuous but collapse under scrutiny: "don't worry about others", "just be true to your values", and "bring your whole self to work".
Think of your favorite leaders, whether political icons, sports captains, or CEOs. How would you objectively measure their authenticity? There is no baseline. No benchmark. If you find Trump authentic you probably adhere with his values; same goes for Obama. By the same token, not many Trump fans would find Obama authentic, and vice-versa. Needless to say, there are many instances in which perceptions of authenticity are not indicative of approval (for example, by most definitions Adolf Hitler was an authentic leader in the sense that we was true to his values, showed consistency between his words and actions, and behaved without much consideration for others). And yet, authenticity is still, ultimately, in the eye of the beholder: there is no way to know if your colleagues are bringing their whole self to work, even when it's obvious that some are less interested in editing themselves or engaging in the necessary self-control to display a modicum of professionalism at work. Likewise, self-assessments are particularly unreliable. Much like a restaurant insisting that it is "authentic," (e.g., Mexican, Greek, Chinese, or Italian cuisine) the very claim should raise suspicion...
To be sure, workplace exhortations to "be true to your values" or "don't worry about what others think" are not extended to everyone equally. If you belong to the dominant in-group (socially, culturally, or politically, not to mention the "right" class or socioeconomic status), then your "authenticity" is applauded. But if your beliefs or identity clash with the majority, authenticity becomes career-limiting. As I argue in my latest book, a blanket invitation to bring your whole self to work would logically include racists, misogynists, and conspiracy theorists, not just those whose identities align neatly with the company's PR narrative.
In practice, what is welcomed is conformity masquerading as authenticity. Anything else is filtered out. And to be clear: I am not critical of this reality, but simply questioning the truthfulness of narratives that pretend to reward the exact opposite, since they are neither credible nor beneficial to either employees or the organization's image.
As a matter of fact, then, authenticity ends up being a sort of bait-and-switch: a privilege for elites, a trap for everyone else. At its extreme, this starts to look less like a modern workplace and more like a cult, where immersion in group values is adverstised as psychological safety.
Needless to say, decades of behavioral science tell a very different story. In consequential settings (whether leading a team, negotiating a deal, or managing a restaurant) what matters is not raw self-expression but emotional intelligence (EQ). And while definitions of EQ vary, there is generally consensus that it involves the ability to read the room, focus less on yourself and more on others, suppress counterproductive impulses, exercise self-control, avoid showcasing all your emotions and thoughts (particularly when it is strategically unwise to do so), and project a version of yourself that others find likeable and trustworthy: in other words, rewarding to deal with, because it represents your best rather than your whole self.
In line, a large meta-analysis shows little empirical or conceptual difference between EQ and impression management. Both describe the same thing: skilled self-editing. And the most effective leaders are precisely those who can appear authentic while curating their words and actions. They are not brutally honest or transparently egotistical. They know how to filter.
This capacity to regulate and adapt is not hypocrisy: it is actually a fundamental indicator of psychological and emotional maturity. Human societies progressed beyond tribal squabbles precisely because we learned to temper instinct, consider other perspectives, and engage in collaboration with people we do not naturally empathize with. There is no prize for becoming who you already are, but there is remarkable payoff for becoming a better version of yourself.
In short, the right to be yourself rarely overrides your obligations to others. Those who ignore this reality are either narcissists or people stuck in a childlike stage of psychological development. So yes, be yourself, so long as that self is not selfish, impulsive, or obnoxious. By all means, keep it real, but don't make everyone else suffer for it. The best professionals do not confuse authenticity with entitlement. They understand that success comes from adapting, editing, and often reinventing themselves for the sake of others. Maybe the best, or at least a more authentic, advice isn't "just be yourself," but "be someone everyone else genuinely enjoys being around". That requires work, but there is a clear benefit to achievieving it, or even trying!