DEAR ABBY: I have had a friend since junior high. We have kept in touch off and on over the years. The last few years, she and her hubby have wanted to visit us more often. We have visited them in their state, too. When we are their guests, we always go all out to show our appreciation for them hosting us by taking them out for dinners, etc.

During their last visit, we made nice dinners and provided alcohol, which her husband drank most of. He bought himself more but didn't think to get us anything. There was also never an offer to take us out, not even to breakfast, although they took themselves out several times. We felt taken advantage of. We have decided we no longer want to host them because of their selfishness. How do I tell my friend the next time they ask to come? I know they will. -- FEELING USED IN COLORADO DEAR

FEELING USED: The next time the woman calls and asks to visit, tell her it "isn't convenient" or you have "other plans" and will be unable to host her and her husband. Then suggest they make a reservation at a nice hotel. I'm betting they won't take you up on it, and you'll be firmly off the hook. (Repeat as often as is necessary.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.