I read a story recently that changed my life, or at least what's left of it. The headline was "4 Weird Signs You're Getting Older." As if I needed reminders to tell me the clock is ticking.

We'd all like to stop the clock or even beat the clock, like that old TV game show, but the race against time doesn't end. Well, actually it does end, but sometimes too soon.

To quote every old person I've ever known, met, argued with, been married to, or chatted with in church, the doctor's office or the nail salon: "It goes by fast." (Fake News alert. I don't go to the nail salon although I probably could use a professional to clip my toe nails. But no polishing please.)

Comedian Norm Macdonald once said: The only thing an old man can tell a young man is that it goes fast, real fast. Of course, the young man will never understand this truth."

Time seems to accelerate the older you get. I went to sleep one night after paying my income taxes, and when I woke up the next morning, it was time to file again. It's the Rip Van Winkle effect.

Although now that I think about it, I hope I haven't been filing twice a year. You can never tell. We old-timers are full of surprises, and sometimes the surprises find us.

For all the young skeptics who think Father Time -- or Mother Time -- overlooked you and that time is standing still and you have a lot of years left, let me offer this sobering assurance: You're getting old and you're probably getting old faster than you think, so fast that one day you'll wake up and say, "Gee I should start saving for retirement." And then realize "Gee, retirement is here! I'M OLD and those @#%*^&! Baby Boomers used up all the Social Security!"

The New York Times piece by Jancee Dunn had some interesting observations. She said her once perfectly straight teeth -- from wearing braces in middle school -- were getting crooked. Welcome to the Crooked Teeth Club. All you need now is some Skoal long cut chewin' tobaccy to complete the transformation.

I've been dealing with this disturbing change for several years, and my dental hygienist, who's also my therapist and financial adviser, told me it's due to "compression," or the tendency of teeth to push inward as you age. Because of it, my lower teeth started chipping, and my dental specialists immediately had a solution: braces.

I don't want to repeat the discussion -- more accurately, the argument -- that occurred when I went home with that recommendation.

"Are you crazy? At your age! We can't afford braces for you!" You see, we already have too many expenses, including those organic, all-natural, custom-made, gluten-free doggie treats that cost a small fortune.

"Besides who knows how much longer you'll be around?"

Good point. Scratch the braces.

Two more signs you're aging: You start to shrink and your voice gets squeaky. I never believed that until I called my dermatologist to schedule an appointment, and the receptionist asked, "Is that you, Tiny Tim?"

"Yes," I responded and promptly burst into a soulful rendition of "Tiptoe Through the Tulips."

Your height decreases and your width increases, and before you know it, you're waddling.

Aging also comes with assorted aches and pains. I still remember my grandmother complaining about her bunions. I didn't know what a bunion was until she showed me. Did I ever regret that experience. Sixty years later and I still can't get them out of my mind.

She took off her shoes, and her feet looked like she came from a planet where they don't have podiatrists. I had a new appreciation for every man, woman and child who went into podiatry because it requires a selfless desire to help humanity, or at least their feet.

My knees also ache when the barometric pressure changes. The good news is they do a better job predicting rain than the Weather Channel.

When you get old, you either complain more or you appreciate life more. But complaining can be a killer, so don't tarnish your golden years by grumbling about things you cannot change. Accept them.

Look for the light (but don't walk toward it just yet). Your outlook will make you feel younger and inspire people around you. Making it this far counts for something, regardless of your crinkly toes, crunched up teeth, gray hair, no hair and wobbly knees.

You've heard of the power of positive thinking? Consider the power of positive aging, which ain't easy because aging comes with problems.

At the end of his life, Pope Francis, who was 88, was still smiling despite his suffering, and he had this to say:

"We must not be afraid of old age. We must not fear embracing becoming old, because life is life, and sugarcoating reality means betraying the truth of things. Life must be lived as a grace, and not with resentment, with a sense of gratitude and thankfulness even during suffering ... Because to say 'old' does not mean 'to be discarded,' as a degraded culture of waste sometimes leads us to think. Saying 'old' instead means saying 'experience, wisdom, knowledge, discernment, thoughtfulness, listening,' -- values which are in great need now."

Former Stamford Advocate and Greenwich Time Editor Joe Pisani can be reached at [email protected].