How do I "look busy"? I work in an office, and rule number one is to "look busy at all times." Except that my role is limited, and our department definitely has a slow season where there isn't much for me to do in my role. Add to that a few co-workers who get peeved when I try to help outside my role, managers who are often too busy to train me on new things, and I end up with lots of time on my hands, especially in the slow season. Everyone says "look busy" like it's easy, but I don't know how and desperately need to learn.
I recently got so bored/understimulated one day that one of my co-workers practically shoved me out of the office to go take a walk and stop climbing the walls. I came back in 10 minutes, more wound up because the walk made me acutely aware of how much work I wasn't doing. When we're busy, my role is desperately needed, but how do I stay afloat when things are slow?
It sounds like you're the office version of a firefighter -- someone who isn't needed most of the time, but when you are needed, you are needed desperately. You're not alone. Most jobs have too-busy times and so-bored times. We all need to figure out how to fill the slow days with tasks akin to washing the fire trucks, maintaining equipment, exercising, and playing cards. Just call them "professional development."
Legitimate professional development can take many forms. You could attend conferences or workshops that are relevant to your current job. Take online, self-directed courses to learn skills that will position you for a promotion. Read books or articles about your professional field, whether they're related to your current role or not. Think about and plan for what you'll need to do when the busy season starts. Can you set up any systems now to make that time-sensitive work more efficient? If your organization has an internship program, volunteer to be a mentor. If your organization does business in other languages, try learning them.
It sounds like you have a pattern of not being understood by -- or, sorry, even annoying -- your co-workers and boss. If you have a decent human resources department, ask them to recommend training courses in office communication. Office-speak is stilted and weird, but try telling your manager or co-worker you "have capacity," and present your extra time not as their problem to solve, but as a specific offer to help.
Even if you take these suggestions, though, you'll still have downtime. Taking a walk was a good suggestion -- there's plenty of evidence that moving around and getting outside can make you healthier and more creative. It sounds like you spiraled a bit on your walk and kept thinking about not-working. Try to think of it differently. Not-working is part of work; there's no shame in exercising, playing games, or reading Slate while you're on the clock. They all keep you sharp and in shape for when the fire alarm sounds.
Dear Good Job,
I've recently begun managing a new team at work. All the team members are terrific, skilled at their jobs, easy to work with, and function well together as a team. They have been working together for a few years. One team member, "Julia," told me early on that she has ADHD. She is absolutely fantastic and is just the sort of person you want on your team. She's smart, creative, hardworking, and thinks outside the box. Give her a project and she'll have it done in the blink of an eye. I've been reading about ADHD, and I think these traits line up with classic ADHD traits. On top of this, she is a very caring and thoughtful individual. I hate to say all these things about her and then say "but..." ... but you have a column to write, and I do have an issue.
She talks a lot. She talks fast. And when she gets going, she'll plow over whoever she's talking to. I'll ask a question that seems pretty straightforward to me, and she'll get wound up and give me the history of how she arrived at yes or no. It can be overwhelming. She'll also get excited about something she wants to do and derail things I'm working on because she wants to discuss her interest/show me things. To be clear, I don't want to change her. I very much appreciate all the wonderful qualities about her. However, I know myself and I know that feeling overwhelmed is going to grate on my nerves after a while. There have been days I have come home from work and I can hardly talk to my family because I've been talking to her all day. I don't want to become annoyed with such a valuable employee. I'd like some strategies to manage my reactions and some things I can do to gently redirect her when she gets on a tear, so I can complete the things I'm working on.
Congratulations on inheriting a great team and appreciating them. (Too many new managers try to enhance their own image by finding or inventing problems they can blame on their predecessor.) Have you told your new team members how impressed you are with their work? You sound like a thoughtful manager and are probably already having regular one-on-one meetings and providing feedback. If not, that's the first step toward channeling Julia's enthusiasm productively. She and your other direct reports might still be nervous around their new boss or trying to impress you. Make it clear that you want to talk through their progress during regular, individual meetings, which will take some pressure off Julia or any others to grab your attention whenever they can.
Ahead of your meetings with Julia, set up a shared document where either of you can add items to an agenda. This reinforces that you care about her priorities and you're equal owners of the meeting (or as equal as possible given the dehumanizing hierarchy of the organizational chart). The list of discussion points will help organize the meeting and give you a natural way to ask to move on from one item to make sure you cover everything in your allotted time. Encourage her to answer simple questions in the shared document ahead of the meeting to save time for more creative or big-picture discussions.
When you have these meetings, reserve time to talk about Julia's ideas and ambitions. Where would she like to direct her creativity and energy? What would she like to try or learn next? Does she want more stimulation, like the letter writer Make My Eight Hours Worth Something, above? Encourage her to give you feedback about what she needs from her manager.
Sometimes the courageous thing to do as a manager is to show weakness. Tell Julia that you are still adjusting to the new job and team. She is probably aware that she overwhelms people sometimes. Let her know that if you ever ask to cut a discussion short, it's not because you don't value the information she is sharing, but because you have so many things to focus on and are a little overwhelmed with your responsibilities. When she gives you the long history behind a yes or no question, interrupt her gently by saying that you trust her judgment and agree with her decision. When she starts to show you something she's excited about, ask her to add it to the agenda for your next meeting, when you'll be able to focus on it with her fully.
Is it a bad idea to be friends with your co-workers? I keep hearing many conflicting thoughts about it, and I can't make up my mind. For context, in the last year or so, I have begun working in person again because of a mandated office return and am starting to make connections with co-workers I see every day, which are different than the loose connections we all had online. It's been nice! But I've never had real friends in my workplace, and I'm not sure if I should start now. It feels like people are either all for it or adamantly against. Is it more trouble than it's worth? I do really get along with some of these people!
Friends who are co-workers can be more trouble than non-work friends, sure, but they are still worth the trouble. You have so much in common with your office mates -- educational trajectories, career interests, places you chose to live, and the same mockable CEO. Colleagues can be one of the great joys of work life (and not just one of its great irritants). It's natural to become friendly as you spend a lot of time with your co-workers, discover similar hobbies, and develop in-jokes. Friendships are precious, and you shouldn't prevent yourself from befriending these lovely people. You just have to be thoughtful about it.
The stakes are higher for work friendships. In this column, we hear from a lot of people whose relationships have gone wrong: peers who shared work-inappropriate opinions before one was promoted to manage the other. One friend freaked out about breastfeeding and then got promoted to manage the other. A friendship clique had a quiet falling out, and one member of the group manages the other. An overly friendly co-worker just won't go away.
Any relationship risks awkwardness and pain, but you can minimize the risk by building these relationships slowly, without pressure, and being aware of power imbalances. Start by suggesting shared activities that fit easily into the workday. Bring snacks for an impromptu food conversation. Organize an afternoon tea time or coffee break. Invite people to join you for a walk around the neighborhood to break up the sedentary workday. Set up a (voluntary only!) book club that can meet during lunch. Happy hours are a fine friendship-building tradition ... as long as nobody feels pressured to join (especially at the end of a long "team building" day). Some companies have staff picnics or sponsor baseball outings, and you could suggest something like that to your human resources department. Issue your own invitations broadly so everyone is welcome (it's hard to predict who will turn out to be a good friend), and so any friend group you develop doesn't seem cliquish and exclusionary. Make sure you include people with less power than you (always invite the interns), but let them know it's strictly for fun and they can turn it down without missing out on some career-advancement opportunity.
It's hard to know whether someone is a work-only friend or a friend-friend. You'll find out when one of you changes jobs. These are friendships of convenience, and it's harder to keep up a relationship when you aren't forced to spend time together. So when you get a new job, share your personal contacts with the friends you want to keep, and tell them explicitly you want to stay in touch. Suggest new ways to spend time together. Check in on them. Focus on the interests you share outside of work. Relish the gossip from your formerly shared workplace. And if you work in a profession with a lot of turnover, befriend the new people and make them feel welcome as they join a workplace with a lot of existing relationships. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a bunch of old friends to catch up with.
-- Laura
My 16-year-old daughter was promised her adult stepsister's old car if she babysat all summer since her child care fell through. The plan was the husband would keep his work truck, she would get the newer model, and the car would go to my daughter. Neither my ex nor I could afford (or even find) a car for our daughter in our area. Between rent increases and higher gas prices, everyone's budget is bursting...